Friday, January 29, 2016

I Squashed My Husband's Dream

I have a terrible confession to make. I was squashing my husband's dream.  Not only was I squashing my husband's dream...I was building mine.  Wow.  When that realization hit me last spring, I felt about as big as an ant.  

I had been studying (and studying hard and a lot) for my black belt test.  My goal was to not only pass my black belt test the first time I took it, but to go on and eventually take on more responsibility for teaching and managing our school.  At the same time as doing that, I had (and continue) to grow my Color & Inspiration consulting business ( Growing two big dreams simultaneously while taking care of a family, working full time outside the home, blogging regularly, and just living life takes a lot of time and support.  I couldn't do any of those things well without my husband supporting me, and yet I was telling him that he needed to stay at his job that even though he did it very well, was increasingly draining on him due to some ownership and management changes. He wanted to do something different and I was telling him he couldn't leave.  

Let me be clear, I don't control my husband.  He is the head of our house and ultimately he is responsible for his choices for our family, but to borrow from "My Big Fat Greek Wedding," I am the neck that turns the head.  My husband values my opinion and experience, and if I don't support him in something, he's not going to feel good about doing it.  So if I am unsupportive--and even negative--about him leaving an extremely negative job because I like the regular paycheck and benefits, then he's probably not going to do it.  

I realized what I had been doing by not being supportive of his dreams--especially while he was supporting me and mine.  I was being that wife.  You know the one.  The naggy, insecure, selfish one that only thinks about her own dreams and wishes.  Oh yuck.  I was her.  Not cool.  So I decided to change.  

Fast forward 6 months, an opportunity came open for my husband to work for a smaller company doing what he really and truly enjoys (creating things with his hands), and he took it with confidence. He was able to work with some great guys.  And guess what...I got my husband back.  You know how it is, ladies.  That guy you fell in love with that laughs and has fun that isn't stressed all the time?  He's still in there. Fast forward another 10 my amazing hubby has been offered another position in an even more creative endeavor doing what he really loves and working with one of his most favorite people.  Would that have even been a possibility if I had continued to pressure him to stay at the super negative job?  I truly believe it would not have been.

I'm not saying it is my fault if my husband chooses to stay at a not so happy, truly not growing kind of job.  He is a big boy and makes his own choices.  However, if I am the nagging, unsupportive wife that he comes home to, then I'm not creating an environment for him to grow, which is all the more awful when he's supporting my ever growing dreams.

Get your family definition here.

My challenge to you today is to ask yourself what kind of spouse are you?  If you are already in that supportive place, fantastic!  Stay there.  Grow together.  If you're not there...well, take a look in the mirror and see if that's where you want to stay.  

Make it a beautiful day, friends.  You can follow me on Twitter and Instagram, too.  @JensWallsTalk is me.  See you there.

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