Monday, May 16, 2016

Personal Screw Ups

I always want to write, but sometimes I don't want to share.  I'm not an overly private person in that if you are honestly asking if everything is ok, I'll probably tell you--at least to a certain degree.  I think it's a woman thing.  We talk.  We feel.  We share.  It's how we process for the most part.  But as an extroverted introvert, I do spend a fair amount of time processing on my own.

The things I don't want to share are my vulnerable places.  They are the places that it's embarrassing to not be perfect--even though I know that no one on earth is perfect.  So here comes my honesty.  I'm afraid I suck as a mom.  My kids watch too much tv.  I constantly have a pile of laundry on my couch...which gets shoved to the side so we can watch tv while we eat dinner most nights.  I pretty much hate that one, but I'm so tired from working all day that I don't want to argue at that point.  I really don't like working full time at my job.  It's not that I don't like my job.  In fact, most days, I do like it.  I just don't like that I've chosen to give up time with my family to do that.  We need to eat and we are not yet at a point where I can work part time outside the home.  I'm bummed about that, too.  I'm a huge Dave Ramsey fan.  You've heard me talk about that one before.  I'm bummed because we've been poking at our money stuff for long enough now that if we had just buckled down, we would be done by now.  That's a pretty sucky realization.  But I'm not going to play that game.

 UL electric lime
Life doesn't have to be perfect to be beautiful.


Coulda, shoulda', woulda's will ruin your life.  It's easy to get stuck in the place where I contemplate all the things I've done wrong or that I would have done differently.  I can't.  Life is lived forward and the reality is that I did have the opportunity to make different choices and I didn't.  Keep living.  Mess ups and all.

Make is a beautiful day.  This is your life.

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